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As obsessed as we are about storage around here, a few other topics seem to pervade through the office walls and cubicles at Closetbox world headquarters.




And not necessarily in that order.

Unfortunately, we saw our beloved Denver Broncos take a break from competitiveness this past season and are now lamenting with the rest of the country another New England Patriots Super Bowl.  We’d love to cheer for the Eagles, but fear the highlight of their run is the Bud Light king’s chant of “Philly! Philly!”

Still, we wondered:  If the world was based on and focused around great full-service storage (as it should be), which team would come up on top?

Solely because we are data geeks (and because we serve cities all over the country), we decided to assign some football values to our storage averages in the New England and Philadelphia areas to decide who deserves the crown.

Run Blocking

To determine who is best at moving the pile, we looked at how much weight on average our storage movers move in an hour in the Philadelphia and Boston areas. Closetbox allows customers to store their belongings in a secure storage facility without leaving the comfort of their home. Professional storage movers do all the heavy lifting by picking up storage items at customers’ home. 

This one was close, but New England takes it with a Boston-area storage mover picking up 219 pounds per hour, compared to a Philadelphia-based storage mover lifting 203 pounds per hour. If we were using storage movers to bolster our run game we’d have to go with the boys in Boston.

Edge: New England


 The modern NFL is all about slinging the ball around the field. To determine which storage movers could best sling it for 60 yards at any time, we calculated the average round trip distance of a storage pickup in the Boston and Philadelphia areas.  Closetbox customer’s belongings are transported to secure storage in a commercial storage moving truck, designed for safely moving valuable items. While Closetbox has facilities everywhere, we will take the trip wherever we need to in order to serve our clients. Fortunately for our clients this means that access to their storage is only as far as a phone or a computer.

The high-flying Eagles take this statistic, with an average round trip distance of 33.95 miles, compared to 29.66 in New England.

Edge: Philadelphia

American football field textured turf.

 It’s cliché to say defense wins championships, but few teams get to the pinnacle without a strong defensive effort. We believe a strong front is the foundation to setting up the rest of the unit for success. To determine the best defensive front, we looked at total weight Closetbox stores in each area.

This one was also close, with both teams putting up beefy numbers, but New England edging Philadelphia by a close score of 94,789 pounds to 92,189.

Edge: New England

American football field textured turf.


If the Super Bowl could be predicted by full-service storage stats (and why couldn’t it be?), the game would be a hard-fought battle by two well-matched teams with stout defenses, good run games, and passing to boot.  

But like death, taxes and hidden fees at traditional self-storage companies, some things are inevitable. Even our whimsical exercise trying to compare storage to football teams results in Brady and Belichick raising the trophy once more.  

“When we simulate the Super Bowl of Storage 10,000 times, we found that New England ends up on top, however, there isn’t a proxy for deflating footballs since our trucks never go flat,” Closetbox Data Scientist Nick Newby noted.

Winner: New England Patriots

American football field textured turf.

P.S.  Just wait until you see our stats on call volume and how we somehow related that to draft positions and available picks. Guarantees a big year for the Denver Broncos in 2018!